On Silencing Myself

[by Woopi Takarasima for Hearts Unfiltered, Edition II]

image of the author

I think we all have three voices – the one everyone hears, the one in our heads and the one in our hearts. At our best, all these voices are in sync, and the things we say with our mouths deeply resonate with what we think and feel. On the flip side, at our worst, these voices lose touch with each other and suddenly, the things our externally audible voices say seem disconnected from what we believe in our head and hearts. I don’t name my voices but I can clearly distinguish them because they are all very unique characters – so let me introduce you to them!

The voice in my head is my voice of reason, she is intellectual and inquisitive, she engages with the world critically and is a strategic force to be reckoned with. She’s the girl I turn to when my friends and I are going Sherlock Holmes on business that does not concern us – because the girl can put two and two together. The voice in my heart, she is intuitive, she is empathetic, she sees the world not from a critical standpoint but a from a place of seeking understanding and harmony. In a world that seems to reward extreme views and standpoints, she helps me stay grounded in the truth that while bad things and people exist in the world, so does so much good and that good can be scaled. Last but not least, the voice that everyone hears when I speak – she is a blend of my head and heart, making sense of everything they say and communicating it in a way that represents me to an external audience. She is the girl everyone knows me to be and I like to think of her as Woopi’s public relations manager.

For as long as I can remember, these voices have always been in touch with one another, conversing effortlessly and keeping the world of Woopi functional. But as happens in life, tragedy struck. The world can be a very loud place, and one day, overwhelmed by all the noise around me, I decided to let the voice in my head go on a hiatus. I thought surely, if I let her rest from having to engage with the chaos of the world for a bit, she would appreciate it. WRONG, shortly after the voice in my head went on hiatus, the voice in my heart followed. I had silenced her partner in crime and she decided to ghost me. And as you might have guessed by now, public-facing Woopi’s voice was left in a state of confusion. That is how the world of Woopi suddenly became silent, something unheard of.

Engaging in productive dialogue became a nightmare, because I truly did not have anything to contribute. I stopped writing, because no matter how hard I tried, nothing I said with my mouth made any sense without input from my head and heart. I couldn’t journal because I didn’t want to confront a reality where I was the villain in the story who had silenced myself. This lasted for a whole year and is truly, without exaggeration, the most painful thing I have ever experienced in my life.

So when this year started, I decided that enough was enough. It was time to get my girls back together. For me, this has looked like feeding my voices with things that nourish them. For my intellectual queen, we’re reading more and engaging in thought-provoking dialogue with friends and strangers. For my heart, we’re consuming art that inspires her, supporting causes that mean a lot to us, spending time with the people we love and intentionally seeking out the good in the world. And my public relations guru – she’s slowly gaining her footing again and happy to be back in business.

This is not a cautionary tale with the goal to tell you what to do with your voices, but I hope you never silence yourself. Our voices are the most intricate parts of who we are, they help us navigate the world in a way that is true to us and not other people, they keep us grounded in our truths – they make us who we are. Check in with your voices today – like maybe now.

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About the Contributor

Woopi Takarasima is a storyteller at heart, passionate about using words to connect people and build bridges across diverse world experiences. She is the Founder of Shainawo, a platform dedicated to documenting, spotlighting, and celebrating the stories of Africa’s stars. Woopi considers herself a citizen of the world and can be found at any given moment in time thinking about her next trip.